i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
