she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
