I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
