And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
