seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
