At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
