i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
