Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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