So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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