Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
