white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
