I hate all girls vehemently.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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