ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
