youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
nutella sex= disaster
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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