Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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