Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
