I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
