there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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