How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
