I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
