I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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