fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
