I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize