but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
