toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
