I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
