i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize