Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
