dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
