i may or may not be watching the land before time
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
