Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
