yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
