I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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