I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
