I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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