Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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