I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
