The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
