I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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