He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
