The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she peed on how many people?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
