I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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