Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
