I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
