The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
