Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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