so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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