we have pet lesbian snakes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
