Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
