you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
