Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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