Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
