So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
