sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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