I got chris browned last night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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