Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
