sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize