I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
