Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
