going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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