break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You are a genius and a whore.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
