You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
