apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
