just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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