Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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