instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
