U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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