I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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