I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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