I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
