i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
