I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
