are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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