ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
