Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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