apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
